A Story of a Young Super Girl

“She doesn’t know how special she is”, I heard her say as I started to doze off to sleep. “She thinks all little girls have the special powers she has, which might be a good thing.. we don’t want her to become isolated because of her uniqueness. I wish I knew how to give her the strength of the love she gives us and everyone she meets.” Her voice trailed off into the distance as I entered the world of my dreams.. except for me, my dreams actually open a door into another world. Don’t all children have the ability to jump in and out of worlds like me? 

When the sun is up, and in my day-to-day life, I love to create images I see from my dreams. Images of rainbows and friends with brightly colored hair, endless gardens filled with laughter and flowers. I like to draw my unicorn, and all the images of light that fill up my heart. I give these drawings to my friends to help take away some of their pain and fear of this world. It always feels like I don’t belong here, I often feel different than my friends. When I see someone who is crying or hurt, I can feel their pain in my own body.. my own little heart holds the weight of their crushed dreams. My super power is that I can take away their pain and give them hope and beauty. It hurts me too much to see others hurting, so I take away their sadness and at night I give it back to the water in my dreams.. and it makes rainbows.

Sometimes, though, when I see someone hurting it feels so dark inside of me, and I am afraid of the dark. I feel like the darkness comes into my own heart, and I don’t know what to do with it. It seems like the more I travel to distant beautiful lands in my dreams, the more pain I can hold. In my dreams, there are trails of light that follow me, light lighting up all of these energy centers of my body giving me just what I need to bring more beauty into the world. I can see through people’s eyes and know what is going on in their heart. When it’s too heavy, I write it on a piece of paper and take it down to my “wailing wall” my caregivers gave me. They didn’t know how to help me calm my sadness, so we build a wall at the back of the house. This wall is made of stones, and when someone’s pain is too much for me to hold, I take it to the wall and give it to God to carry. I understand that I can't carry it all on my own , and I need the help of the force of love that created me. If I am going to be able to give the world my superpower, I have to fill myself up with all the rainbows and light to keep my powers strong. I don’t have anyone to talk to about these things, because no one I have met understands. I hope one day to find friends who will help me with this power, and maybe they have super powers too? Maybe one day we can all work together to make this world a much lighter and more beautiful place. Because I have so much light inside of my heart, I can shine a light in the darkness and I am never lost. 

The Great Reset

What is being asked of you in this season of life is to slow down and turn inward, everything falling apart for your greatest fears and survival instincts to resurface and show you where healing must take place for transformation to happen. Oddly enough, I have hope for the first time in a really long time because of all I learned and walked through during the past year and a half living in survival mode without much hope of a better future. When we are faced with these traumas, we may have shame in how we respond when old patterns of coping and survival come up to be worked through. I’m still working on releasing coping mechanisms I developed to survive through the fire of this past year. Did you know I punched a hole in my wall last year AND I punched a hole in the microwave of my van? Both times when I had been in a deep deep state of pain, loss of insurance, no relief from the intensity of the pain.. and both when I was about to jump off a balcony (or cliff). I say this to say that the human spirit is wired for survival, and is SO FUCKING STRONG. There is no wrong way to survive, you are going to do the best you can taking things one day at a time. Please be compassionate with yourself, and tell shame and guilt to leave your mind when they arrive. You will find your power and your own personal strength during this season as you face uncertainty, isolation and fear.

We are all facing this global shift together, and I know that if you are here NOW then you are a very very special soul. There is no right way to walk through this, but I have seen the healing that takes place when everything falls apart, there isn’t much hope on the horizon and you are forced inward to love yourself and look at the dark corners of your being. This is not an easy path to take, but would you have chosen this if it wasn’t forced upon you? Pain will take you there, it is our greatest teacher. You are being asked to sit with your emotions and face the unknown with trust and faith, and this is a conscious effort that you may face a hundred times a day. I find that the most profound creativity rises in the face of adversity, and I see a shift in how you will move forward in creating your life.. from that deep place inside your heart as you sit with your own vision for the future. Fire burns a forest down only to have new life spring up healthier than before, and I see the creativity and community that will arise in us all as we are asked to rebuild new healthier systems for our society and our children’s world. You are being asked, again and again to choose love over fear, and as you practice this you will get better and better at it. You will adapt. I see the power of our collective humanity, I see unconditional love rising in our hearts as we embody Christ Consciousness, and I see artists and writers and leaders and advocates stepping into their strength and rebuilding a brighter future for us all. We are builders, we are planting seeds for a new harvest.

I believe in the laws of the universe, that joy is always matched equally to pain and darkness. Whatever falls down will rise back up in equal measure. The more darkness we walk through, the greater our capacity to hold the light. We are light workers and healers, being asked to heal this earth and each other from the roots upwards to the heavens. I know that you will learn to find JOY and laugher and light in the tiniest cracks that slip through the dark, you will learn how to laugh at the joy of a flower. You will learn how to hold yourself and give yourself the love you need with the emotions need to be released, and you will find the cracks of freedom to dance naked under the light of the moon and swim in the ocean without fear of judgement. I believe in you and I believe in us, I know this is not going to be easy.. but you know your life has prepared you for this exact time in history. You are right where you need to be, and I am here to be with you in any way you need.

Setting The Stage

Every good story has a beginning, a middle (or an arc), and an ending.. nice little arcs of these fairy tales and parables I have heard from my youth.. a closure. a resurrection. a triumph in the face of evil. something to hold onto, something that makes sense in our linear minds.

Maybe that’s why it has a been hard for me to put this never-ending journey I have been on into a nice little written fairy tale for myself (and anyone else) to digest. The truth is, life is not scripted and the storytelling rules I learned in AP English just don’t seem to hold up to the triumphs and heartache that come along with life.

Not sure exactly where to start, because I have been actively living out this crazy story.. and I find that in re-telling this tale I cannot write a half-truth. The bravery comes in embodying the story fully, living to tell it, telling it honestly and throwing away all of the rules.. because who says a story has to be beautiful only if it’s wrapped in a beautiful little box with a happy ending? This is a story of finding beauty OUTSIDE of the lines, of complete surrender, of survival and of creativity in the face of continued pain that feels like death.

I have chosen to start this particular story of my journey to California with the breakdown of my body that started sometime in September. These breakdowns seem to have their way of catalyzing my trajectory in a continued higher vibrational frequency, into more understanding, into more of my heart and my intuition.this is always found when I have to be entirely by myself - in and out of surviving the unbearable pain my body puts me through... which comes at no surprise why this journey cannot and has not made logical sense to most who are witnessing me walk through the fire..why I have not tried to ( or felt the need to) explain my decisions as I have made them, and why I have tried to only operated from the place of knowing within my heart (because if I operate outside of that I literally feel it in my body and I start to operate in the world from a place of fear and need instead of love and wholeness within myself) while combining all the creativity and research and logic I found as I navigate this coffin my body puts my spirit inside.

As the cycle as always been in the past, I pushed myself to the limits of my physical capabilities from March-September of 2018. After leaving a relationship, building a new home, nursing my grandmother through death and burying her, and my photography business completely dissolving after my fiasco in the psych ward/detoxing from anti-psychotics… I gave everything my body had to building up my life again. Without any photography work, I came back to Savannah from my grandmothers funeral and started working 4 different gigs to make ends meet- all physically taxing.

I am proud of myself for how much my body was able to handle AND how hard I worked to ground myself emotionally and spiritually during this season of my life. This is another story, but all this to say I pushed myself very hard to make ends meet while also trying (and succeeding) in living and rebuilding my life again in Savannah- independently. I felt safe again in my skin and in my home for the first time in YEARS, and it helped me release so much trauma and emotions I was suppressing inside of my spirit. Last Spring, Summer and Fall were some of the most freeing and beautiful seasons of life I have had in a very long time. I found myself and my soul again, and the water and moon helped me heal.

After a beautiful summer, my sister and I simultaneously both had a week off of work at the last minute in September. We were both itching to travel, itching to get into the mountains and into nature so we jumped in our cars and met each other in the Smokey Mountains.

I wanted to test and see if I could comfortably camp out of my element, while Taryn camped out of her tent most nights. We traveled around the backroads of the Blue Ridge Mountains, hiked, spent time by the campfire and had more precious conversations than I can count. I pushed my body hard during this trip to keep up with Taryn on the trails, it was difficult for me to sleep out of the element and the extensive driving and difficulty of camping really did a toll on my body. The emotional weight of the physical pain caught up to me several times on this trip, which was a hard thing for me to be vulnerable about with my sister.

Taryn went back to Nashville, and I had another few days off work so I thought I’d hang out in the mountains a little longer- without much of a plan, trying my hand at trusting my intuition on this journey. I found a hostel called Standing Bear right off the AT, and made that my destination.

On the road to Standing Bear, my brain stem got pinched and it sent me into my third dystonic (we think this is what it’s called) episode. My body was weak, I was tired and hungry and had been driving on a bumpy road for hours, which triggered the jarring in my brain that sent my body into a state of pain and panic. My neurological symptoms spiked, walking became extremely difficult and it was a wake-up call that I needed to get to a neurologist who specialized in neurological manifestations of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome ASAP : Dr. Henderson in Chevy Chase Maryland. I was given a reprieve for a week at the Hostel, long enough to get my strength back up to drive towards Maryland as I also tried to set up the doctor appointments that I needed. I guess, looking back I was a little too hopeful that it would all work out and I’d get the support I needed immediately and had no idea what kind of fight I’d be facing over the next year.

The Little Engine That Could

After restoring my body with rest and waiting out a hurricane at the sweetest Airbnb called The Blue Horn in West Virginia, I packed the dogs back into the car and made my way back to Savannah to find that all the roads leading home were flooded. We slept in the element one last night and returned home the next morning to a busy work schedule. Over the next 3 months (September 22-November 23rd I would somehow shoot 8 elopements, two weddings and two engagement sessions while also working part time as a “house manager/personal assistant” for a family ( I had to quit this job after my body hit another breaking point on November 5th). I’m going back through my galleries and my i phone photo history to chornicle all of this, and I I just keep saying “how in the world did I do all of this while I was in the pain I was in? DAMN I AM SO STRONG THIS IS INSANE”.. because I really can’t explain or understand how I am able to pull all of this off.

I think the most fun thing for me here is to show you some of the photos I took first during this season of excruciating pain and instability, and then share with you photos and the story that was going on behind the scenes so I could muster up enough energy and strength to take these photographs and provide for myself.

All these weddings were shot in Savannah, Georgia last fall. I am so grateful to my friend Miles and my roomate Dayna for helping me bear this load and keep my business rolling WHILE also living with me and the pain I was facing. TRUE FAMILY.

Behind the scenes and behind the camera, things were extremely unstable in my body and I spent most of my free and functioning time on the phone with social workers and lawyers and the insurance marketplace to try to secure myself insurance. I also put a lot of effort into getting orders for flexion and extension CT scans for my Cranial Cervical Joint.

An image taken the day of my first September wedding

After pushing my body hard to continue working my day gig and shooting weddings (by this time I had shot the first 8 elopements through Elope To Savannah and one engagement session), my body told me she just couldn’t take anymore on October 1st, so I quit my job and my roomate Dayna and I went to Fort Pulaski in Savannah and she took these photographs of me. They are the most beautiful representation of the pain I face in my body, and the sweet relief I get from the ocean.

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On October 3rd, I decided to make an appointment for an saline IV infusion at a new infusion center close to my house in Savannah. My segway ride two blocks over sent me into another dystonic episode which started as soon as I rolled in the front door of the infusion center. These “episodes” look a lot like seizures and are extremely scary to experience as well as witness. First my neurological system gets overloaded from my brainstem down, I feel my body slowly welling in vibrations until every muscle head to toe starts spasiming. I experience EXTREME cognitive dysfunction and speaking clearly becomes extremely difficult while I am standing. From there, I usually get extreme pressure in my brain and my lower back and the back of my neck feel like they are catching on fire, my orthostatic intolerance kicks in and I have to immediately hit the ground and lay as flat as I can. The “seizure like” shaking doesnt stop, but once I get on the ground I am able to speak clearly and logically.. which is hard for people witnessing these events to understand. The pain is unlike anything most people will ever experience.. it’s enough to send your body into shock.

While this episode was happening in front of the entire staff of the infusion center, I was not given any help or anything from the staff except " you are not allowed here, we are not here to treat this, you obciously have a drug problem and we are going to call the cops.” I was stood over by the staff while this episode happened and was told that if I did not find someone to come get me within 15 minutes they would kick me out. I am clear enough to state what is going on with my body, that I have a genetic connective tissue disease and that this is NOT drug related and DO NOT CALL an ambulance. People have a hard time understanding what does not make logical sense.

I drug myself from the entryway floor by myself to the waiting room couch two rooms away and immediately called every safe person I knew. My cousin Elena picked up the phone, and her boyfriend Noah dropped everything and came to my rescue. He carried me out of the infusion center, drove me home and carried me up our stairs safely to my couch. My best friends Mackensey and Keli made it over a few hours later, and were shocked to witness the state of my physical health and to hear how I was treated. As horrifying as this experience was, I am so grateful it happened because it was a wake-up call to many of my friends that I really did need more help and more support and that I really really need medical attention. They started to join forces with the community and Savannah Community Acupuncture jumped on board and hosted a fund raiser for me that would later be exactly the amount of money I needed to pay for the CT scans I needed for my brain.

Continuing to try to stabilize my body while working proved to be extremely hard. After that traumatic episode, I had a few days to rest and shot an engagement session and a wedding the following weekend. Three days later I’d shoot another big wedding an engagement session the next week and had enough energy to hang out with some friends who came into town. After pushing my body to do all of this during the month of October, I had another dystonic event in Forsyth Park on October 29th (which was also extremely terrifying, and my friend Miles came and rescued me), and one the following night at home. I woke up the next day and decided to try to go to the Emergency Room.

I called the doctors I knew and had hopes they would meet me at the hospital and help usher me in for the testing I needed, but it proved to be another traumatic and disheartening hospital experience. My neighbor Hannah literally princess carried me into the emergency room, and her and Miles did their best to help the physicians understand the severity of my condition and were met by an undereducated medical staff. Trauma after trauma after trauma after trauma.. and somehow I just kept pushing on. It would take another month for me to get a doctor’s orders for the CT scans I needed to get into see Dr. Henderson, and that month proved to be one of the hardest I had yet to face.

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Jesus is a Butterfly by Adyashanti

“ A caterpillar has the possibility of transforming itself into a butterfly, but until that transformation occurs, caterpillars are ground dwellers. They can climb up into a tree, but fundamentally they are limited to the horizontal domain. A butterfly can fly in the air; its sense of reality is completely different. A caterpillar can imagine what it’s like to fly, but it can’t experience flight until it undergoes that transformation. In a sense,Jesus is a butterfly. He’s a totally different order of being. Everyone he encounters is a potential butterfly, but to change, they furst have to let go of everything they know, their entire sense of who they are, and their entire sense of who God is. Unless they do this, they cannot come up to the order of being that Jesus represents. To make this transformation, they must be clear; they must know what they want and be willing to step into a completely unknown dimension of consciousness.”

A beautiful excerpt from “Resurrecting Jesus” by Adyashanti

Learning Unconditional Love

Over the past year and a half, the well of love that normally flows so smoothly and effortlessly from my heart dried completely up. The pain and uncertainty my body put me through asked for every ounce of that well to be given back to myself for survival. I was forced into unwanted isolation as my body took me to new levels of pain I didn’t know existed. My physical survival was the first thing on my mind at all times, and I’d do what I could to find joy and light in the midst of the darkness that plagued me.

Looking back on this past season, I see how it all forced me into so much discomfort to change old habits and mindsets that had to go. I am an enneagram #2, and if you know anything about that system you know that 2’s are considered “the helper”, and that is a role I have clung to most of my life. I have used my own love to manipulate others into loving me in return.. all of this is subconscious, but at the heart of it I have “helped” others or have poured my heart into relationships in order to receive the same love I so easily gave. Truly, I have never rested in unconditional love.. thinking that I must DO or EARN the love I desired from others. The drama of this past year shook this habit out of me in ways I could have never predicted.

Without anything to give in return, I was humbled again and again by the love I was given by the people who crossed my path. This habit was extremely hard to break, I would push my body to it’s limits to make sure the homes I stayed in were clean, to wash clothes or cook meals to make sure I would still be welcomed. Was I giving enough? Do they still love and accept me because I did X,Y, or Z? Over and over again I was given love from others without any condition, other than the expectation and condition I put on myself in those situations. The first outpouring of this love started with the Go Fund Me that my friends set up for me, and the love letters and compassion and kindness flooded into my heart like a big bright light- giving me the energy and push that I needed to keep moving forward. Strangers donated and shared, and I didn’t give them a thing.. they just loved me for being me. The gift of that love stayed in my heart in the darkest of times, I would be in total isolation, but would never be alone. Friends would buy me food when I couldn’t even talk, mothers would give me the mothering love I so desperately needed during that season while also scheduling appointments when my cognition didn’t work. I would show up to homes literally shaking because I had been in such a mode of fighting, and I would stand there just asking for a hug and for human connection. I asked for healers, and I found them at every turn.. healing my heart, mind body and soul.

Over and over again I would be humbled as all of my preconceived notions of love an how I should operate within relationships was shattered. When you aren’t used to getting that kind of love, it’s often hard to accept. It’s hard to open your heart to such depths of beauty and allow it to fill that well, which in turned help me in my fight for my life. Old friends opened their homes to me, when I had nothing to give in return.. sometimes not even a conversation. New friends would come in at just the right time and would hold me in such a sweet and tender space, giving me laughter and life when I needed it the most. I feel as if I haven’t had anything to give in return, but I know that love pours out of each of us even when we aren’t making an effort— and maybe that is also the lesson I have learned? When you are aligned with love and your own heart, loving others is easy and you drop all of those nasty cords of expectation and fear.

If I know anything about myself, it is that I learn from experience.. and I needed the experience of being loved fully in order to shatter all of the old unhealthy patterns that I used to exist in the world. I have been shown again and again what unconditional love looks and feels like, the same love I have been cultivating within my own heart for my own self was mirrored back to me. I have learned how to give unconditional love to those around me, which is a harder practice than you would think, especially when those deep seeded notions of “being enough” or “doing enough” to be loved run soooo deep. Friendships that did not exist in that plane of love were taken away, and new friendships opened up that met me in that space and taught me how to be a true source of love and light. It broke my heart a thousand times, but that breaking has just opened me up to see things clearer. As Joe Dispenza says, I have been breaking the habit of being myself, and introducing new habits and new beliefs into my system to override all of those limitations within myself that held me back from loving you fully.

Winter Manifestations

I remember the day my heart fell dark again. It was the end of November, I had lost my housing again and came to the stark realization that I needed to change my path.. that living in California by myself during this season of life was not feasible. To survive in Los Angeles, one must be on their tip-top game, and I was far from that place.. I was still in fight-or-flight survival mode and just could not secure a stable and supportive living environment that would all my body to heal. Looking up from my own desire to make California my home, I let go of the wheel and asked for whatever I needed to do next to come in smoothly and easily. That’s when I reached out for help from my family. What did I need to do? What was best for Meghan? I didn’t know the answer, but my parents had just flipped a little home in Downtown Decatur, Alabama and offered it to me as a place to rest, heal and reimagine my life. After a year of living out of the van and in so many different homes, I cried tears of gratitude as I allowed their love and this gift to come into my life. My friend Santina held me for hours as I weeped, as all the fear inside of me about returning home spilled out.. afraid of judgement, afraid that I would lose myself, afraid to face my past. Four days later, my parents flew out to LA and drove me and the dogs to Alabama in the camper van. Every morning I would wake up crying, feeling so much shame that I wasn’t strong enough to make it in California, and sadness that I hadn’t reached the point of healing I had hoped for.

Because of the Go-Fund-Me campaign, I felt an obligation to get better as quickly as i could towards each person who donated and believed in me. The shame was so deep in me, it was my own judgement of myself I have had to release over the past several months. had dreams of a vibrant and healthy life, and in California I felt like I could be my truest self.. to see others clearly and to be seen without judgement. I would cry and cry in the morning and at night feeling like those dreams were dead. I trusted my heart, I followed all the signs and walked through all of the open doors along this journey…since the journey ended so abruptly and not as I had envisioned, I questioned whether I could still trust my heart and that voice of the spirit inside of me. As it has been for the past 3 years, November through February were very dark months, and I felt like I was living in the twilight zone. To be completely honest, I did not think I would survive what my body threw at me this past year, and was able to see past the immediate. I went head first into all of my dreams, feeling like I would not live long enough to do the things I had always dreamed of doing and being. I wanted it all to manifest as quickly as possible, and as time slowed down I began to realize that I would actually live and that there was still the hope of a good life ahead of me.

No matter how hard I would reach for the light, for that joyful force that propelled me forward all year, it has been elusive. Upon entering my new home, I was overwhelmed to pick out new furniture and had a panic attack one afternoon when my mom came over to hang photos. It has been difficult for me to settle down into a life I didn’t expect back in Alabama. Everything was so familiar, nothing had changed, but I had changed so drastically I haven’t known how to exist as my new self in this environment that housed my youth. I came into town without any friends, and have spent many days alone working to transmute all of the shadow that was coming up inside of my heart. Trauma from the past 3 years started to rise up to be processed now that I was in a physically safe and stable environment. Inspiration to create left my heart and soul, and the motivation to move forward was lost as I have been mourning all of the pain from the past.

After being alone a lot of the year and fighting for my health, it was foreign for me to be hugged and loved again. I have felt such great love from my family, often times I am left in tears as how easily that love has come in and how full it makes my heart. I’ve surrendered all of my expectations of how I had hoped the things that I needed would come in, and as I have done this, everything I have needed has easily manifested in my reality. Often I will say “ I miss Meghan”, but what I am realizing is that I am far from the Meghan I was a year ago. I have learned so much through this experience and have healed so many of the dark corners of myself that I' hide from the world. I am settling back into my own skin, shedding the layers that no longer serve me, and incorporating all I have learned and am grounding it in the daily life. It’s extremely difficult to go from fight-or-flight to a slow and safe daily life. When your in fight-or-flight- you can’t look beyond your immediate needs (food/shelter/better health), and slowing down allowed all of those emotions I was holding inside all year to surface. I have been transmuting all of this the best way I can, and it feels like such a slow process. I keep telling myself “you can’t rush your healing”. I love this quote from msw jake

When we’re used to having high levels of stress hormones running through our body, sometimes the absence of stress or anxiety creates unease. When we’re used to being in fight/flight mode on a chronic basis, relaxation might feel unnatural and it might register as something to be feared or avoided.

Being in a state of chronic fight or flight means we’re less available to practice relaxation. Chronic stress keeps us outside of our relaxed state: safe and social, rest and digest mode. Kindness and compassion realign and recalibrate our nervous system by facilitating connection with ourselves and others. That’s why and how self-compassion, safe relationships and doing good for others are essential for healing and growth.

In January, I was able to see Dr. Patel, a neurosurgeon who specializes in Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. His office is down in Charleston, and the air down there brought me back home. The breeze from the ocean invigorated me and helped me find my center. My mom has been my driving companion, dropping whatever she has going on to help me get to the doctors I need to see. We easily journeyed back down to Charleston a couple of weeks ago with upright MRI’s in hand. It’s funny how the universe works, the doctor I had been hoping to see for almost two years ended up being only an hour and a half from where I was when this whole journey started. I journeyed across the country to find healing and answers (which I did receive much healing), only to find the right doctor was almost in my back yard.

Here’s the news: After looking over my MRI’s, I was told that yes, my c1 and c2 are unstable (cranial cervical instability), causing a lot of my neurological symptoms by pinching the base of my brain. He suspects occult tethered chord to be playing a role in the degradation of my legs, and saw an elongated styloid process which points to Eagle’s Syndrome.. This is the “bone” I have felt poking through my throat for the year. I am waiting for confirmation of Eagle’s and Tethered chord, but the course of action for my instability involves lots of physical therapy. In his opinion, if therapy doesn’t relieve the cervical instability symptoms, he is suggestion fusion surgery- which is the last resort.

The day before we left to Charleston, I easily signed up for BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD insurance in Alabama!!! The marketplace started offering plans this year, and it was an easy phone call to get exactly what I needed. Like I said, things are easily flowing into my field without the struggle of the past year. Anything involving Ehlers-Danlos is a long road that often feels overwhelming, but I am finding so much healing and better health along the way. I wont give up on the hope of living a vibrant life. I’m doing a lot to keep moving in that direction: I have been seeing an amazing Cranial Secrel Therapist here, I’ve been meeting with a Shaman for energy and spiritual healing work, have been talking with my talk therapist weekly, I have filled up 3 journals and am doing EMDR therapy work. Joe Dispenza’s book is providing me a lot of insight into how I can heal my own body, and as I release negativity I am finding lightness in body and spirit. Hope has been elusive, but as I look forward to the future I know I will find it again. I am looking at myself HARD in the mirror and being truthful about my own faults, my own negative core beliefs, and how I have played a role in the pain and shame I’ve held onto from my past. Forgiveness of myself, of others and of God is a core practice in my daily routine. I am allowing time for my body to really rest, and am slowly making beautiful friends here who share the same wavelength as I. I haven’t had much routine this past year, and am trying hard to build a new one that will help me keep moving forward and feel purposeful.

My eyes are working well enough to be behind my camera again, and I’m slowly building a new foundation for myself that is able to be constructed at it’s own pace without needing it for survival. I hope to start shooting one-hour connection sessions, and as I start to feel alive in my craft I know that part of “me” that I miss will come back to life. I have big dreams for my future, and I feel so grateful to have this easy time and place to slowly build towards those dreams.

Old friends have made their way into my life, and as I share with them the story of the past 15 years, I am given the opportunity to speak my truth. In hearing it all out loud, I am shown what part of my journey and life I still need to heal..covering it in love and not shame and guilt. I realize that not everyone can stomach the depths of the waters I have waded through, and am learning how to be vulnerable without sharing it all.. I am learning how to tell the bones of the story, and am so proud of myself for the light I have been able to hold onto in some of the darkest hours of my life.

Sweet ladies from my family’s church threw me a house warming party a couple of weeks ago, and the love from their hearts filled me up to overflowing. I am welcomed back home, and see that my fear was my own fear of rejection, feeling as if I was too broken to be loved. I’ve welcomed in a sweet roomate, and am excited to see who else will come into my home. I’m tired of living alone. My aqua van is parked in my driveway, and I visit her once a week. I am hopeful that I will be strong enough to adventure in her like I have dreamed, and am sure I will find the perfect travel companion for those adventures. I still dream of traveling around the US and speaking with groups of people who have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and then connecting with individuals through my camera. I want others to be seen and loved, to know they are beautiful and aren’t broken..but I have had to find this truth within myself so I can share it with others. I want to raise awareness through the photographs and tell their stories of strength while not ignoring the reality of the pain this all causes. I want to bloom again, I want to rise up into the light and live the life of my dreams while taking care of my body and giving her what she needs to heal. And, guess what? I AM HEALING! I AM getting better..and I have hope that it’s just going to go uphill from here. Maybe soon I will find that vibrant, smiling and laughing Meghan again, the darkness is lifting and I see a little light at the end of the tunnel.

Awakening

Your eyes saw through glass

Too fragile to hold

A divine collision

The force stronger than any known love

Blended the entirety of my universe with yours

Jus seconds, the memory vibrated

Looking up,

The reflection in the mirror is ours.

Awakened at last

From Dreams

Ode To The Butterfly

Sitting in meditation, in that peaceful and sacred space, I allow the wisdom and abundance of the earth to come up and build a caccoon around my entire body. Mother earth holds the darkness of the pain I have carried, and transforms it into a protective light-filled growth strengthening all of the webbing of fascia that holds my delicate body together. As it grows around me, I see flowers blooming at every chakra and opening up to divine light at the top of my head. I feel my wings growing inside this protective shell, not yet ready to be seen by the outside world. Patience is a virtue I am learning, and as I shed the layers of skin that protected me from harm I often get frustrated at the slow process of this transformation. I want my wings to expand so I can fly and find that joy of freedom that comes when you dance to your own sacred rhythm, I long to fly alongside my soul-friends.

Sitting there, I imagine what my wings will look like and where they will take me.. often seeing myself souring in health and beauty-jumping from flower to flower to spread their life across the universe. In my haste to transform, I am reminded of the journey of the caterpillar. I am reminded that after death there is always rebirth, but the rebirth process is long and hard for this creature. She innately knows that she must protect herself and hide from the outside world as everything she once was dissolves inside that protective shell. She must become a new creature. Her skin and her way of being completely changes as she becomes a different creature she doesn’t even recognize. Her mind and her body must be rewired to fly.

One of my limiting beliefs I am overcoming is that someone else must save me from the pain of my heart and mind. I often wish that someone would come along and cut this protective shell and show me how to fly.. that I don’t have the wisdom stored within my own cells for this painful transformation and awakening to beauty. Then I remember the butterfly. What if I was walking through the woods and saw a beautiful cocoon shaking, knowing that the creature inside of it wanted to be free? What if I cut the bottom of that protective coffin to set the butterfly free? Do you know what would happen? The butterfly would fall to the ground and die. Why? Because the painful and hard process of breaking out of that shell is vital to her survival- it strengthens her wings to fly.. and if she is released before she is ready, her wings will be too delicate and not strong enough to give her the ease of gliding in the breeze.

So it is with us. This process of transformation, of waking up to your highest calling and most beautiful self ,often comes with deep pain and sorrow and struggle. The quake of leaving who you were behind and re-wiring your mind and heart and body to open up to your highest calling and the power of unconditional loves requires you to surrender everything you were and step into the unknown. Into a completely different vibrational state of being- into surrendering to unconditional love and beauty. In this transformation our bodies often more rest and more love than they have ever been given before.. and that love is a love that comes from above and something you must give to your own heart. No one else can transform for you, you must do it for yourself.. and what I’m learning is that we hold the key to that wisdom inside of our souls. I think that’s why the dark night of the soul is so dark, you are taken into all of your fears and limitations to face them head on and heal so that you can show others that healing is possible. Transformation is a slow process.. winter always comes and kills off the plants so that they can rebirth.. and after that death spring ALWAYS comes. This is the law of the universe. This is resurrection.

I must trust that I will fly again, and that the dark night of the soul comes in as we transform.. shedding all of the layers of pain and fear and limiting beliefs that no longer serve your highest good. As you strip yourself of these you will be filled with a blanket of nothing-ness so you can fill yourself up with the light and love and hope that will lighten your load and allow you to fly. If a tiny little creature like a catepillar holds this wisdom of transformation and rebirth, if the flowers always know how to bloom out of the earth, if the plants we eat know that they must have their protective shell around them as the new life springs forth.. then how much more wisdom do us as humans hold?

Well, Yeah! Field Trip!

Have you ever felt like you were standing in the middle of your own dream? Have you ever stepped into a world where you found missing pieces to your own heart? Exactly three years ago I walked into the arms of a beautiful family, one I had been searching for my entire life. I want to tell you the story of how an event called Field Trip completely changed my life and propelled me into more clarity, love and healing than I ever thought possible.

It was Christmas, four months after I left an unhealthy marriage. I had lost alot of myself in the isolation of my relationship, and for the first time in my adult life I started to make healthy decisions for myself. I remember what the impulse to buy a ticket to Field Trip felt like, it was my heart talking to me again and I listened. It felt good. For several years I would watch photos of photographers spill through instagram creating and laughing and dancing at this creative photography event called Field Trip. It hurt to see their photos come across my screen, because I wanted so badly to be there, to be with those beautiful people. My ex had a lot of control over my decisions in our marriage, and year after year I would voice my desire to join in that community but was always told “there’s no way I am going to let you spend money on something like that”, and “your not good enough to be friends with those people” and “what makes you think that you would be friends with those people.” While those nasty words still clung to my heart, I bypassed them and opted for courage instead of fear. I ignored those lies and in 20 minutes I bought my ticket to Field Trip (without knowing a single soul), and rented a camper van to adventure in after field trip was over.

I ran up stairs to tell my parents, and I remember showing the website to my dad and him immediately saying “Meghan! these are your people! I’m SO HAPPY your doing this for yourself.” He was right, I had finally found my people.. but I had no idea what was in store for my soul.

It was my first time in California, the event venue had changed at the last minute from El Capitan Canyon to Arrowhead resort in the snow-filled mountains. Coming to Field Trip was a lot like going to summer camp, I hoped I would make a friend. When I got there, I wasn’t treated too kindly by the girls in my cabin, and I felt a lot like an unwelcomed outcast. I walked (more like hobbled) into a large area where everyone was gathered, and I was amazed at how the FT team pulled off changing the venue at the last minute- I asked the girl sitting across from me (who is now one of my best friends ) “HOW IN THE WORLD did they do this?!” her reply was “ man, I don’t know how Whit does it but it’s pretty incredible isn’t it?”. I had no idea how incredible the community I had just stepped into actually was, but I’d get to see it first hand.

(disclaimer: I totally wrote a kick ass post, and then DELETED ALL OF IT. So, this is round two- second time’s a charm?)

Every time I met someone new, they felt like family.. like long lost friends I had been searching for my whole life, each new smile and open heart was a divine collision. This is when you know you are right where you need to be- you followed your soul. Cue day two of Field Trip and I am on my way to a class, but my legs refused to work. I was facing my limitations, and wished so badly that I could participate in the way my heart longed to. I dusted off a snow-filled curb and waiting for a golf cart to come by and give me a ride, holding back tears. A cloud of people walked in front of me, he looked down and asked if I was ok. I shrugged, just waiting for a golf cart to take me to class.

He kept walking, but suddenly stopped in his tracks and came back around to face me. Looking in my eyes, he asked if I was really ok? How can you recognize someone you have never known? Were these my own eyes I was seeing, a reflection of my own inner self? The bother, the friend, the opposite and the same, my heart opening beyond my understanding.. was I standing in the middle of a dream? Was I awake or asleep? It all came crashing in. How long has it been since he asked? Stunned, I quickly responded and said it’s getting worse. He immediately picked up his walkie talkie, still looking directly at me on the frozen curb. Without skipping a beat, a golf cart speedily appeared. The blue eyes didn’t leave my gaze and I was gently whisked to my feet and carried me to the cart, where I was flooded with emotions and sadness “it’s getting worse, it’s getting worse, it’s getting worse.” The driver waited until I was more composed and both him and the man in the blue coat carried me into a room full of photographers and artists I admired. He gave me a walkie talkie and a key to a golf cart, telling me it was mine for the weekend and if I needed anything just contact him on the walkie.

During this season of my life, I had a lot of shame associated around my body and people seeing me as fragile or broken, I couldn’t cover up my pain and I could feel every eye in the room was on me. I crawled to a back room where I laid in the floor holding myself and weeping, releasing some wall that I had built up for protection. Wiping my tears, I walked outside and was met by three people waiting for me with bottles of water. Anything we can do to make your time here good, please let us know. I felt so cared for, who were these magical creatures?

the only photo I took at field trip that year

Growing up with 4 wheelers, I loved the fun the golf cart brought and was so grateful to be able to participate and learn. My creativity was reawakened that weekend, and I felt growth from the inside of my heart as the ideas and connections and inspiration shook me back to myself. The cold air was uncomforatable, but I felt alive as I went to help paint a barn with a group of people. The man in the blue jacket was right in front of me as I pulled up, laughing at my speed on the golf cart.

“I have to tell you something” he said without skipping a beat .

“okkkkk what’s up?” My eyes were smiling, and his were too.

“Are you sure your okay with my friend (golf cart chauffeur) being here too? Are you ok with him hearing this?”

“ummmm what are you going to tell me? I mean, sure! I don’t care” My spirit and heart felt free.

“ You are my soul mate. My woman and I have been having dreams about you, the way you walk for along time now. It’s you.” He said this with absolute confidence. How was he so sure? This guy didn’t know me, and it sounds like he’s got a girlfriend sooo..

Whenever I am in the energy of the two of us, I become playful almost like a child. Giggles burst out and I am able to speak with confidence. It’s a safe space. “ HA! I’m not your soul mate! You don’t know me.. I mean, I know a lot of people. “ Meghan says with such confidence, but her heart knew what her mind had not yet comprehended. Why are you so defensive? Why won’t you open?

“ Dude, he knows a lot of people, too. He knows what he’s talking about.” Our little friend chimed in.

I started to shiver, he noticed and laughed as he pointed me to go back inside. Stunned, confused with what I had just experienced and shielding my heart I sped away in the cart. I found a comfortable couch at the back of the main room, where I spent most of my time at my first Field Trip. I’d sit in the back and watch all of the beautiful souls interact, I watched as this creative soul community welcomed me into their family. Here, on this couch, I witnessed artists creating and imagining together.. the first time I’d ever seen this kind of community. It was like everything I have always wanted and how I have envisioned the church to evolve into. It’s the artists and creatives who are shining such a bright light on love, in ways people can touch. On this couch I made friends, and would have many profound and beautiful conversations. As I walked the halls with my forged cane, I was stopped by people who would tell me how beautiful and full of light I was. Who? Me? Can you not see this cane? Healers would stop me and tell me they knew they were present there to help me heal. Could they? Of course.

Lazers and Blazers is the best dress up dance party you will ever attend, but what happens when you cant dance? When you long to let your body move, but the pain is too much? Well, my now-best-friend Mollie found a solution and didn’t skip a beat. She took a trashcan off of a wheel platform, tied a rope to the wheels and set me on it.. she’d spend the next hour wheeling me around the dance floor. I hadn’t had fun like that in so many years, and tears of joy flooded my face as we danced. Then she hotwired the golf cart to whisk me off to bed.

Perched on my couch, the energy in the room was magnetic as we all entered into a mass meditation led by Biet. This was my first meditation experience, and it profoundly impacted me, waking me up to more of myself. He didn’t skip a beat, as soon as it ended rushed to my little couch and sat beside me,

“I love you. I love you. I love you. Please don’t forget this. I looked into your eyes the whole time, sending you unconditional love. Who are you? Where are you from? I can train you! I once taught a blind woman to take photos, and now she has a great business. Will you tell us where you came from? There’s a safe room where you can share, my woman is already there waiting.” I remember laughing, that giddy laugh like a kid who is innocent and free. He was determined, and I had never had anyone see me and want to know me and my path like this. Would I be brave enough to be vulnerable? I knew I had to, everything inside of me and everything that weekend opened me up to bravery.

She was waiting for me, with love in her eyes. I told her she had the same name as my best friend growing up, and she laughed and said “of course you did.” In the quiet of the room, all 6 of us gathered on the floor and the air felt sacred. The man with the blue eyes and the blue coat jumped off the bed and said “this feels just like the OA!” I agreed, we all agreed. Three years have passed since this, so I’m not entirely clear on what spilled out of my heart and mouth that night. I know it was a lot of medical and a lot of shame and brokenness I was holding in that space. I was still very traumatized from the past 7 years, and had never been seen in such a safe and loving light before. Maybe what I was saying was how unworthy of love I was, tears spilling down my face. As soon as I got to my marriage, I clammed shut, too scared to speak out loud of what had happened during those years because I was so afraid I’d be found out by my ex. I had kept my mouth shut for so long, I didn’t yet have language for the damage that was done to my heart and soul. As I ended, shame starting to sink in with all the vulnerability, I looked across at a tear-streaked face of a kind and tender man. His arms were outstretched, asking me to come close. I looked up at her, almost as if checking “is this safe?”, she nodded and I crawled into his lap, allowing myself to be enveloped by a hug I’d spend the next 3 years remembering. He kept saying “you are home. you’ve made it. you are safe now.” I knew this was true because I felt it in every inch of my body. Before I left, I said “I’ve never seen anything like this community and beauty before. You are all going to change the world.” I needed to get out of there, and he picked me up and carried me down the stairs. Such a familiar voice as it gently asked me if the man I was dating would carry me down the stairs? And where are you going after this? I told him I had rented a camper van, he laughed and said “of course. Be Safe.” And that would be the last time we would talk for almost a year, and in that following year I would walk through a beautiful creative and spiritual opening while also journeying through trauma so intensely beautiful and scary, it would change my life forever.

Rapid Transformational Therapy

Rapid transformational therapy has played a huge role in my own healing and transformation. It’s a big term for a type of hypnotherapy that will help you quickly overcome blocks and fears, negative belief patterns (one for me is that I am fundamentally broken and unworthy of love- lots of shame), and reprogram those neural pathways.

I first learned about this on Jessica Lively’s podcast .This is a 14 minute hypnosis she has recorded that will allow you to set your emotional tone for your day by remembering a feeling (and the memory associated with that feeling).. you will set your body and mind to access this positive emotion all day long, overwriting any negativity that comes into your field.

Take it from me, this works and is a tool
I use almost every morning after my breathing and meditation. I started using this about two years ago, and, as you can see from my life, it really really works.

Would love to hear about your experience if you choose to use this tool too! I love sharing with you tools I am using to heal...my main goal in life is to be of service to help aid your own healing and bring more light,joy and love into this world

Listen To Her 14 minute Hypnosis to Start Your Day on The Right Path Emotionally Here

November Miracle For Meg Update

Hello dear friends, I think it’s about high time for an update on Meg’s status. So, here we go. You all have believed in me and supported me in my seemingly impossible quest for insurance, healthcare and a better quality of life. I literally wouldn’t be alive today and writing this if it wasn’t for the food you sent, the calls you made when I was ready to call life quits, for your financial support, physical support and continued encouragement. You have given me the gift of love and light when my path has been darkest..helping me hold onto hope when hope has been evasive and fear overwhelming.

To be honest, I would have never boldly set out on this journey or I knew what was in store. My body reached heights of pain I never knew existed, and I faced some of the loneliest and scariest days of my life. I stared my biggest fears square in the eyes because I have been so hard headed and set on living a full life.. and frankly unwilling to stay sick and tired and unable to function. I have faced more trauma this year than I care to recount. In the same breath, angels have scattered my path and have shown me love, radiance and tenderness when I have had nothing to give in return except a traumatized spirit and crazy body. 
In October I moved into a house on Hill street in Pasadena with the most loving family @reddogcowgirl And @hal3yjanetzke . While I was there, I drove my aqua van to Upland to see the amazing @healedandempowered(Thank you @jennreno ). She sent me on my way to @cedarssinai hospital for cerebral spinal leak testing and a ketamine infusion, and served as the most empowering advocate for me at every turn with every physician I encountered. By far the easiest and most Plesant hospital experience I have ever had, besides Mayo. There’s no way I would have been able to spend a week in the hospital if it had not been for @reddogcowgirl loving me and the dogs so much and giving me a safe space to call home. As I have been learning to recognize and release my emotions, I have allowed intense welling tears of gratitude rise up in me as doors have easily opened and I have been given deep assurance that the darkest days are behind me.

While the hospital stay proved to be less beneficial and diagnostic than my optimistic mind would have hoped, I do have SOME better understanding and direction as I continue to navigate testing and healthcare with the help of my primary doctor Chai and @healedandempowered . I feel so happy to say that I am much more stable than I have been over the past year thanks to getting my Mass cell activation shit more under control, the ketamine infusion and the CSF patch I was given. 

Unfortunately, a couple of weeks ago my housing was pulled out from under me because of my dogs (whom I’m just not at a place to part with), and I came to the stark realization that I am not yet strong enough to survive / thrive AND continue this healing journey on my own in LA without support and the stability home has to offer. The sun has proven to be a major problem for my sensory system these days, which proves to make things much more difficult than you can imagine. After re-examining my forward path and treatment options, and having blue shield insurance in my pocket, I decided that it would be best for me to spend this season closer to the support of my family in Alabama. After finishing up a housing flip this past month, my parents are SO KIND to offer a home for us in downtown Decatur while I continue this healing journey. This home will provide the safety, comfort, quietness, security and foundation I need to build my body and soul back up again to find stability as I embark down every pathway healing has to offer.

To be honest, I am heartbroken California hasn’t been the place I hoped it would be this time around, but it gave me exactly what I needed: insurance, direction in my healthcare, some physical stability and really beautiful connections. I am grateful for the smack in the face city life gave me as it settled my optimism into reality. Hell, my segway even got stolen! Meghan often has expectations of how things should play out and how quickly healing should happen (hello firey Aries sun!), and I often forget to look up to see the larger picture time provides when I am face deep in survival mode.

This past year I have had my eyes on the prize: health insurance and a medical team and healers to help my body heal..while I have been in fight or flight survival mode to meet my basic needs of shelter and food. This has left me short-sited and unable to see or process anything that isn’t directly in front of me-living life surviving one day at a time. I have taught myself (thanks to the help of @santinagiordano and @divinesouljourney ) to change the fear that arises in my heart into trust and love, to surrender my hopes and expectations of how my needs and healing should be met. I have seen The divine give me exactly what I need when I release control of how I want it to manifest, and then things start to flow in easily and beautifully. It is my hope and prayer that I can continue to build upon all the internal healing I have found this year, and that beauty and vitality will flow into every corner of my being so I can overflow and share it with others. I am looking forward to finally having space to catch my breath and heal more from the traumas the past 3 years have thrown my way.. hopefully leaving this physical survival mode I have been living in for so long behind me. 

There is much more I could, and will say, but for now I just want to offer my deepest gratitude. It’s been extremely hard for me to be so vulnerable with my physical health in this process and ask for so.much.help at every turn. I am grateful for the safety I was given on this journey. Grateful for beautiful people who opened their homes to me and the dogs, for those of you who ordered me food,paid for my hotel, for the Hillburn family who took me in on their orchard, for @skye_ashley who FaceTimed me when I was about to literally jump off a cliff, for all the beautiful souls I met in Los Angeles, my cousin @kirkaveritt and friend @kimberlypparker who loved me and grounded me. Beyond grateful for each contribution in my go fund me campaign. Grateful my sweet puppies survived the trip, and for the insurance I now have. For the bravery I had to visit new doctors and @jennreno, @mahlie, @billfromintonever & @wild_west_hair for transport.

Perfecting The Art Of Failing/ February 8, 2017

This one was written 5 months after I left my marriage back in September 2016. What reawakened me to myself ? Art. And even if my project didn’t go as planned, I can look back and see THE POWER of art and how this “failed” project (is anything really a failure?) gave me SO MUCH.

“In art, either as creators or participators, we are helped to remember some of the glorious things we have forgotten, and some of the terrible things we were asked to endure...”

- Madeline L'Engle from "Walking on Water"

Some of you may recall my 100 Day Project I started last September (2016). If you weren't around, the gist is that you spend 100 days creating. I chose to create art from different mediums I enjoyed.. namely my photographs. My hope was to be able to journal my journey with chronic pain and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome through art. To tell the story of the invisible, and to stretch msyelf as an artist. 

On that same note, you might also recall me totally not finishing that very same 100 day project.I made it all the way to day twenty and then some major changes happened. I unintentionally quit the project, and simultaneously excused myself from social media for following four months. Where did the project go? No one knew, including myself.  

Twenty days into the project I unintentionally quit creating. It was one of my first big public failures. I had announced that I was going to start this project and in so was holding myself accountable by the "public eye". 

Those twenty days were perhaps the twenty most creative and soul-changing days I have experienced in my adult life. While I will admit that I failed at my initial goal of creating art for 100 days, I succeeded in allowing my spirit to find parts of itself during that process of creating art daily. It reawakened me to myself and to the creative flow that wants to be birthed through art.

It's been five months since those twenty days, and I can finally admit out loud that I failed. And, also, not feel like I have to excuse or defend myself for said failure. 

Making art changes you. I don't believe that anything I created during those twenty days were necessarily life-changing works of art from a critic's (or even viewer's) standpoint. The important thing about those works created were the things the process of creating was stirring within me. One of my favorite authors, Madeline L'Engle wrote a beautiful book titled, "Walking on Water", that says it so well..  

“When the work takes over, then the artist is enabled to get out of the way, not to interfere. When the work takes over, then the artist listens.”

I was not creating the art to be changed. I was creating the art to change my craft and the perception of invisible illnesses. I had hoped to learn to work within different mediums, and to combine some of my favorite creative disciplines during the 100 days of creating. While that may have happened in a sense, the growing actually happened WITIHIN me..not in my finished pieces. Maybe that "growing" was more like a re-birth? A re-awakening? Coming home to myself again. Yes. 

I quit my project because I rose up and left my abusive marriage in September, shattering so many things in my life to rebirth them.

“The discipline of creation, be it to paint, compose, write, is an effort towards wholeness.” 

While I may have not learned how to use oil paint like I would have liked, I DID learn how to fail. Through this whole process I failed super-duper hard. Some failings were seen by the public eye (like not finishing my 100 day project and having to ask for help in ways that were pretty damn humbling) , and some were privately and quietly. I disappeared from social media for four months because the failure was so huge for me. Being a first-born and type-a and perfectionist makes it even harder to admit failure. I EXPECTED to finish this 100 day project.

And now, I realize that it's even better if I admit my failures and accept myself for them. I allow myself to say, "hey, I didn't finish and that's ok! the project served the purpose it was meant to serve and I am grateful for that." Its ok to fail. It is ok to admit failure out loud. It's embarrassing, and sometimes soul-crushing and most of the time it hurts like hell. The important thing is that we can admit our failure, learn from our mistakes and pick ourselves up and try again.

I'm learning and looking to find my voice this year. To share more stories. It is going to be a slow and possibly painful process as my stories are birthed and written poorly. But, it is my hope that it is a beautiful process. I'll most likely fail at times, and that's ok. I'll most likely start another 100 day project that risks failure again. I'll move forward set on my goal while trusting in the process of it all.

I  leave you with this beautiful manifesto by one of my favorite authors and researchers, Brene Brown.

“MANIFESTO OF THE BRAVE AND BROKENHEARTED

There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers

Than those of us who are willing to fall

Because we have learned how to rise

With skinned knees and bruised hearts;

We choose owning our stories of struggle,

Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending.

When we deny our stories, they define us.

When we run from struggle, we are never free.

So we turn toward truth and look it in the eye.

We will not be characters in our stories.

Not villains, not victims, not even heroes.

We are the authors of our lives.

We write our own daring endings.

We craft love from heartbreak, Compassion from shame, Grace from disappointment, Courage from failure.

Showing up is our power.

Story is our way home.

Truth is our song.

We are the brave and brokenhearted.

We are rising strong.”  

- Brene Brown