November Miracle For Meg Update
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Hello dear friends, I think it’s about high time for an update on Meg’s status. So, here we go. You all have believed in me and supported me in my seemingly impossible quest for insurance, healthcare and a better quality of life. I literally wouldn’t be alive today and writing this if it wasn’t for the food you sent, the calls you made when I was ready to call life quits, for your financial support, physical support and continued encouragement. You have given me the gift of love and light when my path has been darkest..helping me hold onto hope when hope has been evasive and fear overwhelming.
To be honest, I would have never boldly set out on this journey or I knew what was in store. My body reached heights of pain I never knew existed, and I faced some of the loneliest and scariest days of my life. I stared my biggest fears square in the eyes because I have been so hard headed and set on living a full life.. and frankly unwilling to stay sick and tired and unable to function. I have faced more trauma this year than I care to recount. In the same breath, angels have scattered my path and have shown me love, radiance and tenderness when I have had nothing to give in return except a traumatized spirit and crazy body.
In October I moved into a house on Hill street in Pasadena with the most loving family @reddogcowgirl And @hal3yjanetzke . While I was there, I drove my aqua van to Upland to see the amazing @healedandempowered(Thank you @jennreno ). She sent me on my way to @cedarssinai hospital for cerebral spinal leak testing and a ketamine infusion, and served as the most empowering advocate for me at every turn with every physician I encountered. By far the easiest and most Plesant hospital experience I have ever had, besides Mayo. There’s no way I would have been able to spend a week in the hospital if it had not been for @reddogcowgirl loving me and the dogs so much and giving me a safe space to call home. As I have been learning to recognize and release my emotions, I have allowed intense welling tears of gratitude rise up in me as doors have easily opened and I have been given deep assurance that the darkest days are behind me.
While the hospital stay proved to be less beneficial and diagnostic than my optimistic mind would have hoped, I do have SOME better understanding and direction as I continue to navigate testing and healthcare with the help of my primary doctor Chai and @healedandempowered . I feel so happy to say that I am much more stable than I have been over the past year thanks to getting my Mass cell activation shit more under control, the ketamine infusion and the CSF patch I was given.
Unfortunately, a couple of weeks ago my housing was pulled out from under me because of my dogs (whom I’m just not at a place to part with), and I came to the stark realization that I am not yet strong enough to survive / thrive AND continue this healing journey on my own in LA without support and the stability home has to offer. The sun has proven to be a major problem for my sensory system these days, which proves to make things much more difficult than you can imagine. After re-examining my forward path and treatment options, and having blue shield insurance in my pocket, I decided that it would be best for me to spend this season closer to the support of my family in Alabama. After finishing up a housing flip this past month, my parents are SO KIND to offer a home for us in downtown Decatur while I continue this healing journey. This home will provide the safety, comfort, quietness, security and foundation I need to build my body and soul back up again to find stability as I embark down every pathway healing has to offer.
To be honest, I am heartbroken California hasn’t been the place I hoped it would be this time around, but it gave me exactly what I needed: insurance, direction in my healthcare, some physical stability and really beautiful connections. I am grateful for the smack in the face city life gave me as it settled my optimism into reality. Hell, my segway even got stolen! Meghan often has expectations of how things should play out and how quickly healing should happen (hello firey Aries sun!), and I often forget to look up to see the larger picture time provides when I am face deep in survival mode.
This past year I have had my eyes on the prize: health insurance and a medical team and healers to help my body heal..while I have been in fight or flight survival mode to meet my basic needs of shelter and food. This has left me short-sited and unable to see or process anything that isn’t directly in front of me-living life surviving one day at a time. I have taught myself (thanks to the help of @santinagiordano and @divinesouljourney ) to change the fear that arises in my heart into trust and love, to surrender my hopes and expectations of how my needs and healing should be met. I have seen The divine give me exactly what I need when I release control of how I want it to manifest, and then things start to flow in easily and beautifully. It is my hope and prayer that I can continue to build upon all the internal healing I have found this year, and that beauty and vitality will flow into every corner of my being so I can overflow and share it with others. I am looking forward to finally having space to catch my breath and heal more from the traumas the past 3 years have thrown my way.. hopefully leaving this physical survival mode I have been living in for so long behind me.
There is much more I could, and will say, but for now I just want to offer my deepest gratitude. It’s been extremely hard for me to be so vulnerable with my physical health in this process and ask for so.much.help at every turn. I am grateful for the safety I was given on this journey. Grateful for beautiful people who opened their homes to me and the dogs, for those of you who ordered me food,paid for my hotel, for the Hillburn family who took me in on their orchard, for @skye_ashley who FaceTimed me when I was about to literally jump off a cliff, for all the beautiful souls I met in Los Angeles, my cousin @kirkaveritt and friend @kimberlypparker who loved me and grounded me. Beyond grateful for each contribution in my go fund me campaign. Grateful my sweet puppies survived the trip, and for the insurance I now have. For the bravery I had to visit new doctors and @jennreno, @mahlie, @billfromintonever & @wild_west_hair for transport.
