Thirty Three Mantra

I’m standing on the penuchle  of the softest moss-covered cliff, looking down into the depths of the unknown sea below. The sea beacons me with the familiar clash of her dark waters. Her sweet voice draws me down

Mystery feels unsettling for me, because the known is familiar and solid. I have a desire to understand, a desire for the structure and stability that comes from knowing the clear path into the future. 

I am having a hard time writing and its making me anxious and nervous. I don’t know why. Sometimes words flow out, but sometimes they feel stuck in my throat.. unable to utter them outloud. So  my intention for this weekend trip into the woods is to set intentions for the following year of my life, because.. you know.. I just turned 33. and it kind of feels like a big deal in the course of my life because the past 33 years have been bonkers. It feels like  re-setting, like I am putting down the luggage from the long journey behind me and settling into the path ahead. I have clear vision of what I want that to entail, the photos and the feelings are vivid colors and voices inside of my heart and at this point I am unable to adequately articulate that into proper language. 

The year ahead feels like a cozy fire and a walk down a mossed forest path scattered with wildflowers. It feels like sunshine on my skin and it sounds like laughter ringing in my ears. It is a slow dance in the rain, and a tingling on my lips after true loves kiss. The book will no longer be missing chapters, putting the missing links of storylines together in one beautiful rainbow. Inspiration will flow freely from the center of my soul into the soles of my feet and out of the tips of my fingers creating beauty wherever I set my gaze. Friendships will bloom into flowering trees, and my life will have deep purpose that roots me deeper into my own gifts and service to the world. I will knock and seek in the darkest nights, allowing my emotions to unlock truths and love from the depths of my heart. I will bathe in forgiveness like a warm bath, and will open my heart wide to the doors of opportunity that will appear before me. The year is a gift to build a solid foundation I can call my own, to slowly step into the leadership and creativity life is calling from me. Laughter, spontaneity and a child-like sense of wonder will light the path along the garden I am growing in this season of life. I will rise up like a phoenix, knowing my strength and harnessing my creativity to build a lasting career foundation for myself. The year ahead lies blank, and the mystery is hard to accept. I would like to know the plan and have something to drive me forward with purpose and clarity.

But the truth is, I do not know what lies in the year ahead. I would love to heal fully, but I know this takes time and is a sacred process. Will I get the surgeries I need? I will start shooting families again, and will have purpose in my weeks and days building something I can carry with me into the future. I will travel in the van, get to know the amazing people and state of alabama.. allowing things to inspire me with my camera and trust that I will be given the friends and healers and guides I need along the way. I will be given the gift of friendships and will host parties and make girl friends and collaborate with amazing artists in alabama and the south. I will fall in love, and will practice divine patience in unconditional love. I will follow my heart and trust that I will be given every opportunity I have been asked to receive to heal and learn.