Becoming A Better Quitter : From The Archives

By nature I am not a quitter. 

I'm an overachiever, and a perfectionist. Always wanting to be the best and do the best and be my best. 

But over the past 4ish years, I've had to learn how to become a better quitter.

It's hard thing to do. 

Admit to yourself that you just.can't.do.it. 

And it's not me, it's my body and my health. 

I'll be able to start something, and then a few months into it I will crash. 

I become sick, my body becomes weak and I become exhausted and in pain all of the time.

It's a cyclical thing. 

It happened in college, it happened in Colorado, Nashville and now it's happened in Alabama. 

But I am getting better at this. 

I am learning to not beat myself up over having to quit. 

Knowing that it is not ME. 

I am NOT the sickness and the pain. 

But it sure feels like it's me.. When it ruins relationships, when it ruins job opportunities...my mood. 

This past week I reached a breaking point. 

I have been sick, weak and exhausted  for over 2 months now. 

It would be ok if this was something that's never happened to me before, but it happens all of the time. 

I went to another doctor, trying to figure out what's going on.

And it was what I  thought. 

Something chronic, not acute. 

My body can't fight this off. And my body can't keep up what I'm doing. 

Every night I come home exhausted, David puts dinner together for us ..we eat in bed and I fall asleep. 

I get up the next day, work 10 hours and do the same thing all over. 

Then, on the weekends I rest so that I can do it again. 

And, after visiting the doctor, we knew that we just couldn't keep doing this. 

I have to get better. It's not an option. 

Our marriage and my happiness depends on it. I am always amazed at the way God works. 

Friends have been praying for us (and I love you all for it) because we are having such a hard time  praying and asking..and not knowing what to ask for. 

Last week someone contacted me asking if I'd want to nanny for her family 3 days a week? 

Less hours. Less responsibility.  I'd be home at 4pm, rather than 6pm every night. 

Then my sweet grandmother called and told me she would pay for my medical bills. 

I would be able to be treated by the gifted Naturopath I work for!

So, last Wednesday I quit. 

Knowing that I will be making less money, and not knowing where the remaining money is going to come from. 

But trusting that God will provide. 

He has NEVER not provided for us. 

It was hard, and is always hard to quit.

Admitting that I just can't do it.