Gently Laying Down My Camera
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While at the hospital, I met a handsome nurse and gave him my business card.
As soon as our interaction ended, I remembered an e mail from squarespace telling me my site expired. My ego got triggered, and I gave it my all (after spine surgery!) and $144 to immediately renew my photo site. Damn it, I am a really good photographer and I am really proud of my work and my business..and he needs to know that.
Truth is, my business hasn’t made money in a year and a half. My ego couldn’t let go of what was already gone.I’ve tried hard to pivot as my body could tolerate.. but my eyes cannot look into the sunlight.
I have known for 6 months that taking photos is no longer an option for my body. I’ve cried a lot, but I want to give my body the ability to stay healthy long term. No longer pushing her too hard.
I do not have a beautiful website to show cute nurse how HARD the last two years have been. I was too tired to tell him about how I’ve dedicated my life to learning about EDS, while fighting a faulty medical system the majority of my life, in unrelenting pain. How standing in that very spot was a miracle and an answer to all my prayers..having undergone a life saving spinal fusion surgery WITH insurance.
In my short life, I have pivoted careers (I just counted) 11 times to accommodate my body. I’ve loved watching you guys pivot, seeing your creativity. A little jealous That I feel I’m straight out of pivots.
Here’s what I do know. I believe my next career will come in smoothly, and I’ll love it more than photography. It will be more creative and it will be healing for myself and so many others. Everything I’ve learned will be morphed into a way to serve and heal.
I still feel a bit of shame in how my ego responded to my photo site, but I really love looking at the pictures i take, so maybe it’s a surgery gift.
Im changing my fight or flight survival response when it comes to..just about everything.. and am allowing my new pivot to come in at its own beautiful pace as I step into what is in the highest alignment for myself. This is a great privaledge to have while I heal.
If you want to see my work, and the website that is still up and running, if you want to immerse yourself in family and love and light and beautiful imagery, go to www.meghillphoto.com . I will be happy to have you visit.
