Depression has been an unwanted friend of mine my entire life. In my formative years, depression would hit hard when I would be away from my friends. This is a lifelong heartache I still carry. I get depressed when I’m alone, FOMO is always wrapped around my neck these days.

During those seasons, I was made to feel shame for my sadness and emotional volatility. Being told “Jesus was the ultimate counselor and if I talked to him and trusted him I wouldn’t and shouldn’t be depressed.”

This mindset is still very true in my family and the religious system I was raised within. I ended up carrying around intense shame for all my seemingly “negative” emotions. Jesus did not give me the tools to be with my emotional body. I was lost. I would hide my tears in bathroom stalls, my closet, and any dark corner I could find.

Now, I call Bull Shit on THAT mindset. I love Jesus, turns out, he is not a licensed therapist.

In my adult life, I have made an effort to find non- Christian therapists. This gave me the space to admit I was living within an abusive marriage. I was able to see past the lies and fear of hell for seeking a divorce. Since, I’ve had an incredible talk therapist who has journeyed with me over the last 4 years.

You know I’ve searched and tried all kinds of healing modalities to support my mind, body and soul. At this point in my journey, I have needed a more informed and intensive support. Ive been ready to heal my trauma. Ketamine treatments, meditation, and EMDR have become integral tools in my healing journey.

For the past 4 months I have been scouring the internet for a trauma informed therapist. I found 3, spoke with all of them, and was told they couldn’t help me because I experience “chronic trauma” (ohh.. cool) I would need someone more qualified.

Doors opened for me to work with a psychologist specializing in EMDR and chronic trauma (especially physically). Three sessions in, and I am reaping the rewards of this hard work.

Now, there are countless healing therapies: art, somatic, EMDR, cognitive behavioral therapy, talk, hypnotherapy..I believe every human would benefit from any of these modalities.

ll of this is to say it’s ok to seek help, even if you don’t think you need it. It’s ok and healthy to not carry your load alone. It’s healthy to look deeper into yourself. If you are depressed and anxious there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and Gods grace is boundless.

You can love Jesus (or not) and also go to a non-Christian therapist. If you Don’t feel supported to seek help in your life, I’m here and will cheer you on as you do.

If you ARE in a healthy therapeutic relationship, I would love to hear about your experience and what modality you use. Your experience Could be helpful for all of us.